My closest friends are the ones I talk to regularly. But here’s the thing…we usually have multiple conversations happening all at the same time. We’re texting in a group chat, sending memes on Instagram, and leaving Marco Polo video messages. And they’re never about just one topic.

We also make time to go out to eat or hang out. I’ve found that in the most mundane times, a quick coffee run or swinging by someone’s house,  some of the most meaningful and quality moments happen. It’s about doing life together.

And when one of us needs something, the others are eager and willing to instantly jump in. A couple years ago, I was in a car accident. Without me asking, I had meals delivered to my house, friends checking in, people showing up.

Do you know who didn’t show up? Strangers. Random people from the street. The ones who showed up were the people I had invested in, who I had built relationship and community with.

Fundraising relationships are no different. Donors are not just names in a database. They’re people. People who want to feel connected, valued, and seen. If the only time they hear from you is when you want a gift, you’ve skipped the most important part of the relationship: building it.

Why Giving Before Getting Works

And here’s the truth: people are already living in a constant “ask” environment. Their social feeds aren’t just full of pretty pictures anymore. They’re crammed with ads asking for money. Buy the shoes. Upgrade the phone. Subscribe to the thing you didn’t know you needed.

Their inbox? Same story. Sales, discounts, “last chance” offers.

And then there are the commercials, every other minute telling them to spend more, get more, do more.

When all of life feels like one big checkout line, your email, ad, or message can be the pause. The exhale. The moment that feels human instead of transactional.

Generosity stands out. Not just generosity from donors, but generosity from you. Sending something with no strings attached shows you’re thinking about your audience’s needs, not just your organization’s.

What You Can Offer

Relationship-building offers can take so many forms, but the most effective ones are mission-aligned, useful, and genuinely valuable. For example:

• A downloadable ebook that equips them to make a difference in their own circles.

• A reflection guide that helps them pause and reset during a busy season.

• A story of impact that reminds them their past giving really mattered.

• A video message from a program leader sharing gratitude and hope.

• A behind-the-scenes look at a project they’ve helped fund.

• A printable resource or tip sheet they can share with others.

• A short devotional or encouragement series delivered over a week.

These resources do more than fill inbox space. They create moments that deepen trust and emotional connection. They make people want to keep opening your emails because they know there’s something for them inside.

The Indirect Ask That Still Works

Offering value first doesn’t mean revenue disappears. In fact, some of the most powerful campaigns I’ve seen start with a gift and follow up with a gentle invitation to give.

One client sent a free resource designed purely to encourage and equip. No urgency. No matching deadline. Just value, freely given. The follow-up thank-you email included a soft ask: “If you’d like to help us share more resources like this, your gift will make a difference.”

That single free resource email generated 9% of the month’s donor revenue. All because it built the bridge before making the ask.

Shift the Tone, Strengthen the Connection

This isn’t about perfect graphic design or nailing the cleverest subject line. It’s about making your audience feel like they’re in a conversation, not a transaction.

When you offer something meaningful first — a guide, a story, a moment of encouragement — your audience feels invested in. They start to associate your messages with value, not just requests.

And when the day comes for the big appeal? They’re already listening.

Try This

Before your next campaign, add two to three “relationship-building” emails to the calendar. Make them:

• Useful…something they can read, watch, download, or act on.

• Mission-aligned…directly connected to why your organization exists.

• Genuinely generous…something that would have value even if they never gave.

End each one with a simple, optional giving link, and watch how those seeds of trust grow into generosity.

The Long Game Wins Every Time

Building relationships with donors is not a quick win tactic. It’s the foundation for everything else you hope to accomplish. When you consistently show up with value, encouragement, and connection, you’re planting seeds that can grow into years of generosity and partnership.

The truth is, generosity flows most naturally in relationships where trust is high and the connection is genuine. And just like with my friends showing up for me after my accident, it’s the people you’ve invested in who will be there when you need them.

So before your next big fundraising push, take a step back and ask: Am I making deposits into this relationship bank account… or only withdrawals?

I’d love to hear from you. What’s one “giving before asking” idea you’ve tried that really resonated with your audience? Or, if you haven’t tried it yet, what’s something you’d like to test in your next campaign? Your insights might be just what another fundraiser needs to hear today.